When I hear of someone who has a reoccurring problem (such as drug addiction, multiple arrests, or being in trouble in other ways) or just an overall unhappiness with their life, I tell them to take a page from AA: People, Places, Things. Change the actual people, or the type of people that you associate with. Change the places or types of places that you frequent. And change your things or type of things that you do, as well as your way of thinking. If you do the same things you've always done, in the same places you've always done them, with the same people you've always done them with, you're gonna get the same result.
I have realized that stupidity tends to bring out the inner bitch in me; but that sort of hinges on the level of stupidity. I understand that stupidity is typically in the eye of the beholder. At this point, I am the beholder. And someone that tells me "I can't help it. It’s easy money" in response to being told that they need to stop illegal activities and do a complete overhaul on their life... Is an idiot. You CAN help it, you just CHOOSE not to. YOU make the decision to do those things, be in those places, and to be around those people. That’s YOUR CHOICE, not something that is decided for you or something that you “can’t help”.
I know that easy money is a lure that many people get caught by. I know that the "easy" lifestyle of the black market has a very high appeal. I've been there, done that. I miss being able to go to "work" for a night and come home with $500. I miss not having to look at price tags, because I was making 2-3K a month OR MORE. Yes I miss that. But I would rather struggle for money every day than to go back to that lifestyle. And that's MY CHOICE.
I choose every day to wake up, take care of my kids and my man and be completely broke. I choose to not go back to the club and grind all over men just so I have the freedom to buy whatever I want. I choose to make myself into a better person than I was, not only for my sake, but also (and mostly) for my kids and my man. Even men that come into establishments like that judge you. They judge you in the V.I.P. room and they judge you out on the street. You're good enough for them to get your chest rubbed in their face, but not good enough to introduce to their friends or family. And heaven forbid if you say where you met them. That’s not the kind of person I want to be known as. I don’t want to be known as “That Stripper” or “The Stripper” or any other of the myriad of names that folks can (and did) come up with. I don’t want to have to rely on taking off my clothes just to pay bills. I didn’t want to live that lifestyle anymore.
Yeah, living that lifestyle, I had money. So what? I also had perverts who groped me every chance they got because “She’s a stripper, so it’s okay”. I had men proposition me at least once a night. When applying to decent jobs, I had to account for the time that I was dancing (the clubs won’t acknowledge that you work there, so you can’t put them on an application.). I had to constantly worry about someone saying something to my kids about where mommy worked. I chose to get out of that lifestyle so my kids didn’t have to grow up listening to people tease them because their mommy was a stripper.
So now, I am unemployed. I am a full-time college student. I have 2 amazing kids and an amazing man. I have a truck that is falling apart and I’m living at my mother’s house. But even with all of that, I still refuse to go back to that lifestyle. I refuse to associate with those people (at least the ones that I know are dancers, not “those people” as in a derogatory reference to dancers.). I have not been inside a club in months. And I no longer act, think or dress like a dancer. I changed my people, places and things. I CHOSE to have a different life. It may not be better financially, but life’s not about money. Life is about enjoying yourself and making memories. I didn’t want my only memories to be of some nasty club with dirty smelly men getting grabby with girls that are walking around in outfits that couldn’t even be considered bikinis. And I didn’t want my kids’ memories to be of mommy being gone overnight 5 nights a week, coming in at 3 or 4 am, and being grouchy because I only got 3 or 4 hours of sleep every night.
I CHOSE to change my life into something different. I CHOSE to make sacrifices and change my future. I CHOSE to change my mindset and therefore change my circumstances. And I will keep CHOOSING to stay out of trouble, away from the night life, away from drugs and alcohol, and to stay away from negative influences. So don’t say “I can’t help it” when you don’t like your life. Make the choice to do something about it. Make the choice to change your people, places and things today so that you can have a better future.
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